Top Five Christmas Movies you probably have not seen

I have rewitten this blog several times, I originally was going to have my favorite Christmas movies and then I was thinking of doing my favorite holiday songs...but all of that sounded boring. As much as I love the traditional Chrstmas movies if I see another re-telling of A Christmas Carol or It's a Wonderful Life I am going to choke the holiday cheer out of somebody. So I chose to go a completely different route. This is Christmas movies I am assuming you probably have not seen. I have omitted cartoon specials, this is just straight up theatrical released movies.

5) Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
This movie is terrible. In fact it does not belong on this list.  The only reason I put it on here is because you should at least turn it on for a few minutes just to watch the atrocity that is this movie.  It is often hailed as one of the worst movies of all time...and it truly is.  The acting, the plot, the costumes all are terrible.  You feel like you are watching an elementary kids school play. But it is fascinating to know that somone somewhere thought this movie was a godd idea. Not only did they think that it was a brilliant idea but they also made a toy line as noted at the begining of the film.  There have been talks of remaking this movie for several years which I think could be funny if done right but all and all this is complete trash.

4) Ernest Saves Christmas
This movie is awesome! Its always been one of my favorite Ernest movies, it is slapstick comedy at its finest! Sure its Cheesey and completely implausible, but it is fun, hilarious and meant for family viewing. It borrows some plot points and scenes from some famous Christmas movies like miracle on 34th street but still feels very original. I am also proud to now be one of the only people to put an Ernest movie in a top five list. Ernest was also one of the defining moments of my relationship with my wife. Before we were married I mentioned this movie and she was the first women ever to not sneer at me after I uttered the name Ernest. Instead she said "I would totally watch that! I saw Scared Stupid in the theatre." I knew it was true love.

3) Bad Santa
So you might have seen this one.  I think a lot of people avoid it because of the way it was marketed but you shouldn't. This movie is so different then any other holiday movie. This ain't your mothers holiday movie. It's crass, filled with swearing and a drunk Santa Claus is the main charater. It's solid hilarity and I would say the best comical role Billy Bob Thornton has ever done. I really enjoy this movie and it is a holiday staple in my house.  I like to have a little Dark comedy mixed in my holiday rotation instead of the same old stories being told. This is not a movie for kids though, unless you let your kids watch swearing, and intimate adult interactions.

2) Santa's Slay
This is a great bad movie.  We watched it on a whim last year, and then watched it again this year and it still holds up.  I am somewhat picky about the bad movies I enjoy, all of the stars usually have to be aligned for me to like your typical bad movie and for this one they definitely were. There are a lot of celebrity cameos that pop up and it only adds to the campy nature of the hilarity.  The movies showcases ex-professioanl wrestler Goldberg as Santa.  Hopefully with that sentence alone I have peaked your curiosity.  My favorite part is probably the first ten minutes of the movie. A dinner scene with a variety of B list celebrities who end up dying in humorous ways. There is also a claymation type scene about halfway through the movie which sets up the back story of Santas rage that is highly entertaining. 

1) Christmas Story (2007)
No not that Chrstmas story, this is a different one.  Its a swedish film that was released in 2007. It is basically the origin story of Santa Claus.  It is told very well and the cinematography is incredible. This was a movie I just randomally watched because it was on Netflix.  It kind of blew my expectations out of the water.  In fact I was kind of hungry and the movie was so captivating I could not stop to eat; I had to finish it. It is the best holiday film to watch if you don't want to watch the stereotipical cliched movies. I plan on purchasing this movie and making it part of my holiday repertoire. With that said the english dub over the original language is terrible and the voice acting is slightly over the top. I could see this movie being remade, there are only a few little things that could be tweaked to make this movie a traditional classic.

Top Five best things to eat in the Portland-metro area

I like to eat! Who doesn't? I tried to pick one item that I thought was amazing and in its own way unique, and I made the list below. Portland is known as a "foodie town".  I know it has won a variety of awards from various places for its amazing cuisine.  However, I am not a foodie I am just a regular guy who likes to eat all types of food. Therefore, the list below represents a lot of my favorite types of food and what they mean to me.

With the exception of number 5 and number 3 I make it a point if I have out of town visitors that I take them to all of the spots on this page or at least recommend that they make it a point to stop there.

5) Pepperoni and Olive Pizza at:
Pizza Baron
2604 Southeast 122nd Avenue
Portland, OR 97236

I heard a story from a co-worker a while back that Portland actually had its own unique style of pizza. The story was that it was originated in a Portland based pizza restaurant called Pietro's Pizza. The key difference in the pizza is a thinner crust, but not too thin as many restaurants have. For a long time I could not find their pizza anywhere because all of the Pietro's restaurants closed in the Portland metro area (that I know of) and then I found Pizza Baron. It's identical and delicious. You don't have to get the Pepperoni and Olive get what ever kind of pizza you like. The good thing about it is in the sauce and crust.

4) Black Bean Quesadilla and Bacon Cheddar Fries with a side of Red Chili Sauce at:
Dot's cafe
2521 SE Clinton St
Portland, OR 97202

This is the only thing I have ever ordered here.  The first time I went, I was starving and ordered them both.  The gooey cheesiness of both of these items was amazing.  The problem now is that when I go I still have to order them both because I can't decide between the two.  Let's start with the Fries.  They are a towering plate of delicious bacon, cheese and fries.  I think it is the cheese and bacon that makes them perfect! However they don't become complete perfection until you dip them into the red chili sauce. You have to order it separate it is actually served with something else. It has just enough kick and just enough flavor. Then we have the quesedilla.  This is what made me like black beans.  The gooey cheese complimented with the black beans and sour cream melts in your mouth making you want more. I have even tried to recreate at home and it is simply not as good as when I go here.

3) Egg roll at:
Lee's Garden
18330 SE Division
Gresham, OR 97030

The best Egg roll I think you could eat anywhere on the planet. Really they should call it a burrito it is so large.  The flavors are hard to explain but it has a texture and meat like quality to it that comes together in an amazing flavor. I am pretty confident they put bacon in them and that is what adds the flavor but I am not completely sure. Before having this Egg roll I wasn't a big fan of Egg rolls in general.  I only ate it because it came with the meal I ordered once, and then I fell in love. Now I always order Egg rolls at every Chinese restaurant I eat at hoping for the same amazing egg roll but I am always sorely disappointed.

2) Giuseppe's House Special Pizza at:
Giuseppe's Italian Restaurant
17937 Southeast Stark Street
Portland, OR 97233

I love this restaurant! I have gone here nearly my entire life.  My parents live down the street so this was always a place we would go to. I have had everything on the menu at least once and I can honestly tell you I liked all of it.  My personal favorite though is the house special. It is basically a combo pizza with Pepperonchinis on top.  It sounds simple but it is the quality and flavor of all of the toppings they use.  They all just come together in a glorious blend of meats and cheeses that dance in your mouth.  Since moving away from this location I still will drive an hour or so out of the way to eat here sometimes. It is just that amazing. I have traveled a lot of different places in my life and this is the best most consistent non chain restaurant I have ever eaten at.  If I had to pick a last meal it would be from Giuseppe's.

1) Bacon Maple bar at:
Voodoo Doughnuts
22 Southwest 3rd Avenue 
Portland, OR 97204-2713
(There are actually three locations but this is the only one I have been to)

Evey web site, every tourist attraction book, every local you run into will tell you to go to Voodoo Doughnuts. They are right. Depending on the location you go to there is usually a line around the building but it is worth any kind of wait. I know the Bacon Maple Bar sounds weird but it is to die for.  The rich flavor of the bacon and the gooey sweet maple frosting along with the cake doughnut blend so beautifully it is like they were meant for each other.  Voodoo has tons of other great Doughnuts as well, I just think this one is the most unique and flavorful.  They also keep making it better or so it seems.  Since the last time I ate there I swear they have updated their bacon.  It is thicker and juicier and much more flavorful. This is so popular that Rogue, a local brewery has no made a Bacon Maple Ale.  I have not had it yet but I will eventually. Like I mention previously Voodoo also has other doughnuts as well that are just as intriguing to name a few: The Captain Crunch doughnut, The Butterfingers Doughnut, and my other personal favorite The O.D.B. (Which has Peanut Putter and Oreo crumbling and chocolate sauce.)

Honorable mention:

McMenamins Taster Trays at:

McMenamins Edgefield
2126 S.W. Halsey St.
Troutdale, OR 97060

or

McMenamins Kennedy School
5736 Northeast 33rd Avenue 
Portland, OR 97211

The Beer taster tray McMenamins Edgefield and Kennedy school are always a must when you come to this area.  The Beer is incredible, the food is pretty good (even though it is kind of served in small portions) and the atmosphere of these two places is great because there is so much to see and do when you walk around the buildings.  I like the sampler because you can try several beers for one small price and find what you like. Lot's of the McMenamins restaurants are cool, but these are the two of the best because of the adventurous atmosphere and cure for wanderlust they provide. They also have movie theatres and all different types of concerts.